Hope

I just don’t understand people who’ve given it up.

Even at my worst, I never let it go. I never stopped believing in the overall goodness of humanity. I never stopped believing in people, even when I didn’t believe in myself. And, when I see someone who’s let that go, someone who’s decided that the changes they could make wouldn’t ever be enough and give up hope, my heart breaks for them.

The hardest part is knowing that I’ve been the same way at some point. I mean, I believe in people. I believe that, even if I were gone, if something had happened to me, the world would still be inherently a good place. But, at the same time, I feel so insignificant, so little that, even if I were to be able save one life (if I could save hers), it wouldn’t be enough. I’d never be able to save everyone and it hurts.

But no one can save everyone. Bad things happen to good people. Circumstances can be the greatest evil in the world. And it’s a painful lesson. But it’s one everyone should try their damndest to accept. I mean, I’ve been sitting on this lesson for almost four years now and it’s only barely starting to click. But I’m trying. I have to.

If I can’t accept that there are going to be situations that I can’t do anything to change, I’ll go insane. I mean, I guess the reason why I’m so concerned with it makes me pretty much insane anyway, but that’s not the point. The point is that I can’t stop trying just because I know there are fixed outcomes. Besides, for the first time, one of those fixed outcomes has been a good thing.

That alone is enough to give me hope.

 

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